Thanks for this, Elissa. Your book was a godsend to me, and it arrived with perfect timing. I had written a memoir about my upbringing in the 1980s, and when I received a book contract, my three siblings combined forces with threats of lawsuits, name-calling, and raging emails that filled my inbox. We haven’t spoken in over two years.
I went into a deep, months-long shame spiral, asking myself, “Why did I bother writing this?” But eventually I began to understand that the shame, the family silence, and the generations of trauma hidden behind it were exactly why I had needed to write it.
There is so much wisdom in this piece!! It made me further think about the “fallout” with readers. We can write our truth as we have experienced it, and there may be fallout with those people who are intertwined with our stories. But there may also be “fallout” with readers who bring their own experiences to read g our stories, and view them through the lens of their own experiences. Alas, “to think own self, be true”. 🤍
Great timing for me. I am writing a book that reveals almost everyone I know- inside the family or outside- mainly my parents, and about things much more critical than suicidal pets. Though it's true that animals can also be suicidal. My cat tried to tear out his neuter stitches with his teeth and could have died because of it. Anyway, I'm still not sure if I will write about all the family's shames.
This really struck home to me. My new memoir Unveiling the Truth was just published and I am dealing with exactly what you are talking about. Believe me, it is no picnic dealing with shame. But I wanted to publish and I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me.
Thanks for this, Elissa. Your book was a godsend to me, and it arrived with perfect timing. I had written a memoir about my upbringing in the 1980s, and when I received a book contract, my three siblings combined forces with threats of lawsuits, name-calling, and raging emails that filled my inbox. We haven’t spoken in over two years.
I went into a deep, months-long shame spiral, asking myself, “Why did I bother writing this?” But eventually I began to understand that the shame, the family silence, and the generations of trauma hidden behind it were exactly why I had needed to write it.
I’m so sorry that you went through that, but am relieved to hear that you followed through with it.
Exactly what I needed to
Read today. Thank you
There is so much wisdom in this piece!! It made me further think about the “fallout” with readers. We can write our truth as we have experienced it, and there may be fallout with those people who are intertwined with our stories. But there may also be “fallout” with readers who bring their own experiences to read g our stories, and view them through the lens of their own experiences. Alas, “to think own self, be true”. 🤍
Great timing for me. I am writing a book that reveals almost everyone I know- inside the family or outside- mainly my parents, and about things much more critical than suicidal pets. Though it's true that animals can also be suicidal. My cat tried to tear out his neuter stitches with his teeth and could have died because of it. Anyway, I'm still not sure if I will write about all the family's shames.
This really struck home to me. My new memoir Unveiling the Truth was just published and I am dealing with exactly what you are talking about. Believe me, it is no picnic dealing with shame. But I wanted to publish and I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me.