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Valerie Bacharach's avatar

Your words are so true. My father's father committed suicide when my dad was only 9. It was during the depression, they lived in a small southern town, he had been accused of fraud. I never knew about this until after my father died and my brother and I discovered it in the headlines of the local paper (from 1933) online. My father lived his whole life with secrets/shame. He feared the world and craved safety, for himself and for us, more than anything else. It breaks my heart.

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Suzanne Urban's avatar

It took a long time, I knew my mother was difficult, but I know now, I was raised by a covert narcissist, and unfortunately a Dad who was tested late in life by my stepmother's insistence, and diagnosed as being on the spectrum. My growing up was slowed down, I was immature and anxiously unaware for too long which happens I guess when you don't have a guiding hand to help you navigate through childhood. Shaming, even over little things, seems to come naturally from those who have a prescribed vision of exactly how their children should orbit around their challenging personalities; but of course, they AREN'T the ones with the behavioral problem, it's always the kid. I admire so much that you write about how your life is impacted by a difficult parent, it takes courage to wade through needless shame. I'm so sorry your health has taken a hit from what you've unfairly endured, but so grateful your books, your art, have carried you through it all.

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