save yourself before the chicken

A few things to help keep you sane this week.

Nearly twenty-five years ago, Susan and I went on our first international trip.

We had been together only six months when we rented a villa in a quiet part of Tuscany with two other couples. Neither of us is a particularly good flyer, and when we settled into our Alitalia seats, Susan, who is not given to sudden outbursts of jocularity, pointed to the words stitched into the back of the seat in front of us. Susan had been studying Italian, so I figured she knew what they meant.

SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE THE CHICKEN,

she said, with a straight face.

Of course, poltrona does not mean CHICKEN in Italian, but the deed was done, and all these years later, when hell is breaking loose, she reminds me: SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE THE CHICKEN.

(It actually means LIFE VEST UNDER YOUR SEAT, which is essentially the same thing.)

Almost every person (at least every American) I’ve talked to over the last few days has been preparing for today’s general election by:

1. Eating like a twelve-year-old boy.

2. Drinking like a fish.

3. Not getting out of bed.

4. Buying an industrial-size vat of chocolate pudding (see 1, above).

5. Buying spigot-wine (see 2, above).

6. Binge-watching Nora Ephron movies.

7. Binge-watching Game of Thrones.

8. Reading all of Laurie Colwin’s novels back-to-back, starting with Happy All The Time.

9. Digging out their Windham Hill CDs from the late 80s.

10. Going for serial pedicures.

While we are not buying spigot wine, we are eating like a couple of twelve-year-old boys, and wanting to pull the covers over our heads. I am binge-watching Nora Ephron movies but I’m not watching Game of Thrones (not even for Rose Leslie) because I can’t deal with violence at the moment. I have Laurie Colwin’s books on constant rotation so I’m not sure it counts. I associate Windham Hill with my first serious relationship and breakup, so maybe not. (Going for serial pedicures: I’m all in.)

I’ve compiled a list of safe self-soothing, emotional allogrooming possibilities for this week (because don’t kid yourself: the election decision is going to go on long past tomorrow), and this is what I’ve got. Feel free to add to it in the comments.