what I know
A List, at Sixty(three)
On June 29th, 2023, I wrote this list on the occasion of my sixtieth birthday. It all still holds, and on the 29th this year, I will be adding to it. But for now, here is what I knew in 2023, what I thought I knew, and what I got totally wrong.
My birthday is today, the 29th, and I’m turning sixty(three).
This is incredibly hard for me to even believe, because I just turned twenty-one, and my mother keeps telling people I’m forty.
I am not a good birthday celebrant; they tend to be very hard for me and always have been. I recently spoke to a good friend, another Cancerian, who described how we feel as utterly self-conscious. A spot-on description. This year, I gave some thought to where sixty years has gotten me —to what I believe and what I don’t, to what I’ve learned and have come to understand, and to what continues to leave me scratching my head; I thought I might share the list with you, and invite you to add to it in the comments.
It’s true what they say: it goes by very fast. Don’t roll your eyes. Trust me.
Don’t spend a lot of time thinking about whether or not to get the tattoo, the puppy, the breast reduction, the advanced degree. You do not have all the time in the world. Do it. If you don’t do it, don’t complain about not doing it. Said with love.
Ditch the heels unless you eventually want hip surgery.
The only men who look good in Speedos are Mark Spitz in the 1972 Olympics. Don’t kid yourself.
If you’re pretty sure that someone is being an asshole, they probably are.
If you’re pretty sure that you’re being an asshole, you probably are.
Measure the time you devote to the charismatic whims of others; it’s a slippery slope. Be kind but remember: boundaries are your friend.
Tell your spouse you love them, every single day, assuming you do. Even when you’re driving each other crazy.
Don’t get rid of your film cameras.
Wear a traditional wristwatch — the kind that won’t allow you to check your email while you walk the dog.
Don’t get rid of your grandmother’s pearls, even if she wore them like Margaret Dumont.
If someone tells you they can be difficult, believe them.
Know where your important papers are, and let your family know too.
If someone begins a conversation with I’m really sorry to say this but, they’re not.
If someone picks a fight with you during three out of three conversations, it’s time to mull.
If you do not have children, give some thought to where you want your stuff to go.
If you do not have children, the likelihood of all those photos you took in the late 70s being tossed out is extremely high.
If you do have children, the likelihood of all those photos you took in the late 70s being tossed out is extremely high.
If you haven’t worn it in a year, get rid of it.
The shoes will never eventually be comfortable.
