I have had such a complicated relationship with gratitude and grief. So many of my clients have been handed a gratitude journal or told they should have one. A practice as a cure? It sideswipes grief. I won't dare try to write words more beautiful and aching than you have here. Thank you for this. And the poem. I have much to be grateful for too--and 31 years after the death of my beloved mother Ellen, I have found a way to make meaning in my loss and of my loss. It is why I do my work. Gratitude and grief remain rather elusive.
This is so true. The abuse of gratitude you suffered was horrific and that line between being grateful and being expected to take no space, have no needs, desire no tenderness is so fine and so well illustrated. Thank you.
This is so lovely. It’s powerful to think of gratitude being weaponized. And we so often think we have to just feel one thing, instead of holding all the grief and rage and thanksgiving together. Thanks for this.
Thank you for making the connection between grief and this Mary Oliver poem that has been a guiding light for me for years. You’ve helped peel off another layer, as I figure out why it resonates somewhere deep, where my/our best impulses live.
Dear Elissa, "Who do you think you are!" should be stricken from our collective vocabulary. I am fortunate I can only once recall being assaulted with that phrase. It was a minor incident long ago, but the "shame" till taunts me many years hence. I think we all share your pain. And where does one go for solace from an event seemingly impossible to erase?
WOW!!! I have never responded to a post, but your words echo an unspoken world of hurt. Thank you.
Yes!! I feel gratitude all the time but I hate and resent having it imposed on me.
YES. I absolutely get this: the imposition feels toxic, and sticky.
Thank you for posting this amazing commentary. It speaks so strongly to me.
I have had such a complicated relationship with gratitude and grief. So many of my clients have been handed a gratitude journal or told they should have one. A practice as a cure? It sideswipes grief. I won't dare try to write words more beautiful and aching than you have here. Thank you for this. And the poem. I have much to be grateful for too--and 31 years after the death of my beloved mother Ellen, I have found a way to make meaning in my loss and of my loss. It is why I do my work. Gratitude and grief remain rather elusive.
This is so true. The abuse of gratitude you suffered was horrific and that line between being grateful and being expected to take no space, have no needs, desire no tenderness is so fine and so well illustrated. Thank you.
A beautiful write. It’s like you did a meditation for me…recognizing the thoughts that pour in when the mind is striving to be empty.
This is so lovely. It’s powerful to think of gratitude being weaponized. And we so often think we have to just feel one thing, instead of holding all the grief and rage and thanksgiving together. Thanks for this.
Thank you for making the connection between grief and this Mary Oliver poem that has been a guiding light for me for years. You’ve helped peel off another layer, as I figure out why it resonates somewhere deep, where my/our best impulses live.
I'm no longer a subscriber. Substack is a lot! I do want you to know that I like how you think and look forward to your perspective on things
Dear Elissa, "Who do you think you are!" should be stricken from our collective vocabulary. I am fortunate I can only once recall being assaulted with that phrase. It was a minor incident long ago, but the "shame" till taunts me many years hence. I think we all share your pain. And where does one go for solace from an event seemingly impossible to erase?
I love your post/commentary. I understand . Your words never disappoint. Thank you.
My gratitude for the human-ness of you, and your great gift with words. ♥
this is so beautifully said.
thank you. today has been a struggle for me as well. i needed to read this.