I read this once. Read it again. Thank you from the very depths of my soul Elissa for putting into words the feelings I have been experiencing lately. I too have been playing estate whack a mole for over 2 years now (the estate was sued by a selfish party who wasn't happy with his $3 million dollars), I have lost 4 furry family members in less than a year, my health is one giant question mark, and I am on empty. I stare into my cup of tea and I cannot, CANNOT even move or take a deep breath. I suffer from almost paralyzing anxiety and had a panic attack during the litigation where I thought I was having a heart attack and dying. And now - now this month. I am terrified, sad, grieving, lost, and depressed. I don't know what to do or even if I can do anything. This is paralysis and it can be utterly debilitating. There are days I wake up and want to simply scream as loud as I can. So, instead, I do the daily tasks that are menial - make the bed, wash the clothes, cook and eat meals, exercise, and hope - HOPE that I can break through this somehow. Thank you for your words....
I’m covered in stress hives. It’s been quite awhile since they’ve been this bad. But the stress is coming from all directions and I am having a nearly impossible time finding ways to get any relief and so my body is telling me that it’s all too much.
I’m experiencing something similar with eczema. Avoiding social media has helped. Part of my response to the stress was wanting to just drive. Fast. With loud music. It’s been bitterly cold in the upper Midwest and the urge to drive was thumped by a vehicle that refuses to start, but makes a lot of other bad noises. Towed to the mechanic on Monday, diagnosis still pending. Being stuck at home has meant a lot if time spent just breathing. Guess I needed this!
Oh my goodness! I’ve been covered in welts this week, racking my brain about what could be causing it-it’s not my first rodeo with an allergic rash-I never even considered stress! Thank you for reminding me- off to meditate and do my best to stem the tidal wave of the seemingly endless flow of horrifying images and information that is happening in our world right now.
Me too- the stress related eczema hit ne hard and I decided I just had to stop with all the nonsense that has been hounding me. I can't change a lot of it, but I can change my response!
So very relatable, though you share it so poetically that it reads less jarringly than it feels. I do paced breathing when my anxiety swells towards attacks, too, and have also found that naming the experience with as much neutrality as possible also helps me: Okay, X,Y & Z sensations are here. I'm noticing heat. I know these feelings and they never last. Remembering to breathe. And so on. It's a practice that keeps me from the "oh, shit!" struggle that exacerbates the experience. Wishing us all the methods that make the hard a little more bearable, that help us stay in our bodies so that we can stay in the resistance 💜
I'm making this soup, for sure. And oh I know that frozen thing and I'm sorry you had to experience it again. Ugh. Would that we could all have deep understanding of our anxieties but it takes so much work! Give Fergus a big hug, please.
I just cannot get enough of your writing. I am always overwhelmed after reading your essays. I grew up & still live in Queens. I remember Herman’s . Hope that things get easier with the estate. I have been there. Never easy.
Marion Woodman referred to this frozen-ness as possum psychology. It is an instinctual adaptive response that women use when overcome to go “belly up”, so to speak.
It’s complicated E.
Have you read Donald Kalsched’s work on trauma? His thinking on this is original, soulful, and spiritual. It might be helpful for you now—you have come far.
I’ve trained with him. He is a gentle man with a brilliant mind and big heart.
Oh, wow. Recognition rained down on me as I read this. Except I wasn’t staring at baseball gloves. Instead I was failing to order a grande nonfat cappuccino at Starbucks, nor could I utter “mini vanilla scone with that.”
The way the body returns to earlier imprints when capacity is exceeded is something I see often in my work. It’s rarely about the moment itself. It’s about the system saying, “This is too much.”
the way you connect the freeze response across decades is extraordinary. That image of standing in the aisle, then finding yourself back there years later, says so much about how the body keeps score. The phrase “my cache is full” is such an apt way to describe overload. And pairing all of that with a pot of lentils on the stove feels both practical and profound. Sometimes stirring something warm is exactly how we find our way back.
As I read this, it felt like a hug. Thank you for sharing. I have 'softball mitt' experiences, one of the ones that sticks is the toothpaste section in supermarkets. That one seems to being on the full cache full experience when I'm susceptible.
Thank you for the recipe also! I'm soaking some french green lentils to sprout them as I write this - and I was unsure what to do with them. Then along came this recipe :)
I think I’ll make this soup tonight. I’m having a freeze response this week, more than anxiety or panic, but I think this soup is the ticket. And so was this essay. Thank you, dear Elissa ❤️🩹
Thank you for this powerful post, and the links to the freeze response, losing/regaining spiritual connection, and Dan’s app. Your insights about how the freeze response shows up, navigating grief, and caring for oneself and others in basic ways like simple cooking, are so timely and relevant.
Seeking comfort food following my 94-year-old father's funeral, I made Shepherd's Pie. My neighbor brought me a home made biscuit to go with. She made the biscuits because stress had given her a visual migrain. She and I will both try the lentil soup. Thank you!
I read this once. Read it again. Thank you from the very depths of my soul Elissa for putting into words the feelings I have been experiencing lately. I too have been playing estate whack a mole for over 2 years now (the estate was sued by a selfish party who wasn't happy with his $3 million dollars), I have lost 4 furry family members in less than a year, my health is one giant question mark, and I am on empty. I stare into my cup of tea and I cannot, CANNOT even move or take a deep breath. I suffer from almost paralyzing anxiety and had a panic attack during the litigation where I thought I was having a heart attack and dying. And now - now this month. I am terrified, sad, grieving, lost, and depressed. I don't know what to do or even if I can do anything. This is paralysis and it can be utterly debilitating. There are days I wake up and want to simply scream as loud as I can. So, instead, I do the daily tasks that are menial - make the bed, wash the clothes, cook and eat meals, exercise, and hope - HOPE that I can break through this somehow. Thank you for your words....
I’m covered in stress hives. It’s been quite awhile since they’ve been this bad. But the stress is coming from all directions and I am having a nearly impossible time finding ways to get any relief and so my body is telling me that it’s all too much.
I’m experiencing something similar with eczema. Avoiding social media has helped. Part of my response to the stress was wanting to just drive. Fast. With loud music. It’s been bitterly cold in the upper Midwest and the urge to drive was thumped by a vehicle that refuses to start, but makes a lot of other bad noises. Towed to the mechanic on Monday, diagnosis still pending. Being stuck at home has meant a lot if time spent just breathing. Guess I needed this!
Oh my goodness! I’ve been covered in welts this week, racking my brain about what could be causing it-it’s not my first rodeo with an allergic rash-I never even considered stress! Thank you for reminding me- off to meditate and do my best to stem the tidal wave of the seemingly endless flow of horrifying images and information that is happening in our world right now.
Me too- the stress related eczema hit ne hard and I decided I just had to stop with all the nonsense that has been hounding me. I can't change a lot of it, but I can change my response!
It’s sometimes hard for me to remember that I can’t help anyone else if I don’t first care for myself.
This is one piece of wisdom that I need to keep reminding myself soooooo often!
Same!
Comfort food and the act of cooking has been calling me as well. I made chicken-wild rice soup on Saturday and spinach lasagna yesterday.
I made split pea soup and cornbread today. This, after emptying my cache from over the weekend. Cooking grounds me every time.
So very relatable, though you share it so poetically that it reads less jarringly than it feels. I do paced breathing when my anxiety swells towards attacks, too, and have also found that naming the experience with as much neutrality as possible also helps me: Okay, X,Y & Z sensations are here. I'm noticing heat. I know these feelings and they never last. Remembering to breathe. And so on. It's a practice that keeps me from the "oh, shit!" struggle that exacerbates the experience. Wishing us all the methods that make the hard a little more bearable, that help us stay in our bodies so that we can stay in the resistance 💜
I'm making this soup, for sure. And oh I know that frozen thing and I'm sorry you had to experience it again. Ugh. Would that we could all have deep understanding of our anxieties but it takes so much work! Give Fergus a big hug, please.
I just cannot get enough of your writing. I am always overwhelmed after reading your essays. I grew up & still live in Queens. I remember Herman’s . Hope that things get easier with the estate. I have been there. Never easy.
Marion Woodman referred to this frozen-ness as possum psychology. It is an instinctual adaptive response that women use when overcome to go “belly up”, so to speak.
It’s complicated E.
Have you read Donald Kalsched’s work on trauma? His thinking on this is original, soulful, and spiritual. It might be helpful for you now—you have come far.
I’ve trained with him. He is a gentle man with a brilliant mind and big heart.
Oh, wow. Recognition rained down on me as I read this. Except I wasn’t staring at baseball gloves. Instead I was failing to order a grande nonfat cappuccino at Starbucks, nor could I utter “mini vanilla scone with that.”
This captures the freeze response so viscerally.
The way the body returns to earlier imprints when capacity is exceeded is something I see often in my work. It’s rarely about the moment itself. It’s about the system saying, “This is too much.”
Thank you for articulating it with such honesty.
the way you connect the freeze response across decades is extraordinary. That image of standing in the aisle, then finding yourself back there years later, says so much about how the body keeps score. The phrase “my cache is full” is such an apt way to describe overload. And pairing all of that with a pot of lentils on the stove feels both practical and profound. Sometimes stirring something warm is exactly how we find our way back.
As I read this, it felt like a hug. Thank you for sharing. I have 'softball mitt' experiences, one of the ones that sticks is the toothpaste section in supermarkets. That one seems to being on the full cache full experience when I'm susceptible.
Thank you for the recipe also! I'm soaking some french green lentils to sprout them as I write this - and I was unsure what to do with them. Then along came this recipe :)
I think I’ll make this soup tonight. I’m having a freeze response this week, more than anxiety or panic, but I think this soup is the ticket. And so was this essay. Thank you, dear Elissa ❤️🩹
🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
I hear you. 👐
Thank you for this powerful post, and the links to the freeze response, losing/regaining spiritual connection, and Dan’s app. Your insights about how the freeze response shows up, navigating grief, and caring for oneself and others in basic ways like simple cooking, are so timely and relevant.
Seeking comfort food following my 94-year-old father's funeral, I made Shepherd's Pie. My neighbor brought me a home made biscuit to go with. She made the biscuits because stress had given her a visual migrain. She and I will both try the lentil soup. Thank you!