Elissa & Katherine talk .... boundaries
A Monthly Video Conversation
In this conversation available to all subscribers, my friendand I unpack an issue that is important to both of us: boundaries.
How is it possible for two writers in the public eye to maintain some level of personal and professional boundaries? We both are very much devoted to our work and to our readers (and our publishers!), but sometimes we are put in positions where we have to say No. And sometimes, saying No is incredibly hard, complicated, and comes with all sorts of fallout. Speaking from my own experience as an author, teacher, and editor, I’ve come to understand that some/a lot of people don’t like it when boundaries are drawn. Some take it very, very personally. Some will push even harder to get what they need or want. I’ve been in the position of saying no to fairly obvious things, and was kinda sorta threatened, professionally (and even personally), as a result. Sometimes, I find myself giving in because it feels harder and more exhausting to hold firm. Sometimes, I have to hold firm anyway, or I am at risk of losing both my self-respect and my mind.
Early on in our chats, Katherine and I discovered that we were talking about this issue a lot — as many authors and artists do. We live in a world where there is a very fine line between the private and the public — especially if one writes memoir — and boundaries then often become surprising: if we write THIS, why would we expect any kind of privacy? It seems that everything is a balance, and yet it also seems that what feels clear to some may not be clear to others.
An important chat for anyone who lives and works in the public eye, but also, really, for anyone — especially women — continuing to learn to draw the line, and understanding that it can (and should, I think) be done with respect.
We hope you enjoy —- More to come next month, and for those of you who are paid subscribers, I will also be posting our Creative Questions conversation later today as well.
Thank you for sharing the reality of difficulty around "No" and importance of it ... I think we all kind of know that we need to establish boundaries but learning what that actually means for us personally and how to do it in the way that is right for us is a learning process.
i could listen to you two all day. found this conversation helpful and comforting. responding only when i really CAN, remembering the shoreline is always shifting.
in some seasons i make myself more available than others, to be sure; finding as i get older i worry not about what folks will experience if i'm not answering right away, i'm more interested in the quality of connection we can create when I *can* be present.
the simultaneous (and ironic) overexposure and isolation you mention feels important to track and modulate the best we can.
lastly, i appreciate your candor and care for one another, and for all of us: both your readers and fellow writers. felt super nourishing to sit with you both.