I just want to say (hopefully reassuringly) that I never check my emails on a Sunday or a Saturday, and nothing bad has happened. The most important people in my life - the people who are allowed to create emergencies for me - have my number. Everyone else can wait. It should not be a privilege to be able to create boundaries as simple as that, but it seems like it is right now.
I love this 💕. Thank you for sharing! I started using “do not disturb” on my phone, while allowing notifications from my closest personal relationships, and I now leave it on pretty much 24/7. Best thing I ever did to reclaim boundaries around my time!
That was the best explanation of people pleasing and how it is connected to trauma in childhood that I have ever read. Thank you! It’s exactly me and I have carefully weeded out the boundary pushers from my life but they sometimes get in the garden again (like a weed) and it’s often only a yanking out that keeps them at bay. Thank you for your writing. Glad you’re setting Sundays aside for you.
Thank you, Elissa. This resonates so much with me right now! I hereby declare that I will be unavailable next Sunday - but - I will take a moment to think of your lovely words, and hope that you are too.
For the first time in forever I took January off. Mostly because C had it off. I put out of office on my email and did better than I'd anticipated. I keenly feel the "what if there's an emergency" thing. Did you ever hear about "tech shabbat"? I think it was an On Being guest. A great experiment.
I too, grew up a chronic people pleaser, and admittedly still am. Thank you for sharing Allison Moorer's piece, I will indeed have a read. :)
These words of yours, shook me, in a good way, in a realizing way, in an eye-opening way: People pleasing usually is connected to trauma, or growing up in a complicated household, meaning: everyone shouting at each other or addictions that everyone pretends not to see or seething foundational tension or all of the above. People pleasers don’t want to make waves. We want to be perfect because then everyone around us will love us and won’t that be swell. And then, when we don’t get the coveted response — the love response — we get angry and surly and maybe even a little bit passive aggressive.
"addictions that everyone pretends not to see" - ugh, yes.
Thank YOU, as always, for being such a luminous source of wisdom and honesty and human-ness. xo
I just want to say (hopefully reassuringly) that I never check my emails on a Sunday or a Saturday, and nothing bad has happened. The most important people in my life - the people who are allowed to create emergencies for me - have my number. Everyone else can wait. It should not be a privilege to be able to create boundaries as simple as that, but it seems like it is right now.
Sad story: We are all addicts to phones and computers. I like the idea of shutting off for a day or two. We'll see how that goes....ha.
I applaud Susan❤️🌻👍🏻
I love this 💕. Thank you for sharing! I started using “do not disturb” on my phone, while allowing notifications from my closest personal relationships, and I now leave it on pretty much 24/7. Best thing I ever did to reclaim boundaries around my time!
That was the best explanation of people pleasing and how it is connected to trauma in childhood that I have ever read. Thank you! It’s exactly me and I have carefully weeded out the boundary pushers from my life but they sometimes get in the garden again (like a weed) and it’s often only a yanking out that keeps them at bay. Thank you for your writing. Glad you’re setting Sundays aside for you.
Love you, friend.
Thank you, Elissa. This resonates so much with me right now! I hereby declare that I will be unavailable next Sunday - but - I will take a moment to think of your lovely words, and hope that you are too.
I so get this.
For the first time in forever I took January off. Mostly because C had it off. I put out of office on my email and did better than I'd anticipated. I keenly feel the "what if there's an emergency" thing. Did you ever hear about "tech shabbat"? I think it was an On Being guest. A great experiment.
Yes- Tech Shabbat was coined by my friend Tiffany Shlain--I’m a big proponent!
I too, grew up a chronic people pleaser, and admittedly still am. Thank you for sharing Allison Moorer's piece, I will indeed have a read. :)
These words of yours, shook me, in a good way, in a realizing way, in an eye-opening way: People pleasing usually is connected to trauma, or growing up in a complicated household, meaning: everyone shouting at each other or addictions that everyone pretends not to see or seething foundational tension or all of the above. People pleasers don’t want to make waves. We want to be perfect because then everyone around us will love us and won’t that be swell. And then, when we don’t get the coveted response — the love response — we get angry and surly and maybe even a little bit passive aggressive.
"addictions that everyone pretends not to see" - ugh, yes.
Thank YOU, as always, for being such a luminous source of wisdom and honesty and human-ness. xo
P.