I was born and raised in NYC and moved to LA in 2001 because I needed geographical space between me and my mother, though I loved her and still love her with all my heart. She got ALS out of nowhere in the spring of 2020, was diagnosed that June and refused to accept the diagnosis for over a year. During COVID lockdowns. Which meant I was trying to manage her care from Los Angeles over zoom in NYC until it was safe to fly there. She’d do things like send the cough assist machine back after I spent months trying to get it sent to her. Good times. I want you to know every time I see one of your posts about phone calls going to her instead of you, or people telling you they don’t know where you should send your POA docs, my whole nervous system understands and cries for you. I am so sorry you’re going through this, and I understand how hard it is to care for someone who spits on your threshold on the way out the door, too. You will ALWAYS be at the coolest table in my book, and your work and your words matter to those of us smart enough to be paying attention to the best kind of cool, for whatever that’s worth. Sending you a lot of love.
It is so hard. “Walking my mother home” and then letting her go was the hardest thing I ever went through, and I’ve been through some hard things. I was barely standing at the end. I know you have really good support in your life, but if you ever want to message me, I have been there ❤️🩹 Huge hugs. The hugest.
Well, this piece is the best reason to renew my subscription and let’s make it an annual one as I’m fed up with the chopping and changing and trying to fit all the people I want to pay to subscribe to, and support, into a monthly budget. I know who I value on here, it’s the writers I have followed the years. You are deeply appreciated Elissa. Also, enjoy your trip to UK it is beautiful here at the moment and the gardens are simply exploding!
Thanks, Elissa. Have to say this. For some of us, you ARE one of the cool kids. Your writing inspires, affirms, and and staves off doubt. It also bestows a very special gift. The gift of permission. So thank you for that. I'm teaching a workshop (my first), starting tomorrow, that's for people new to Substack who want to learn the ins and outs of this always changing platform.
They may want the answer so many ask––how do I make money here? I don't have that answer. My five takeaways for my students will be 1. Be generous. 2. Stay true to yourself, your art. 3. Trust that it will come (the money). This one is a little woo-woo, but it's been working for me. 4. Keep showing up. 5. Be clear about your purpose here, especially when tugged by the feeling that you can't compete. See you in Truro. I can't wait. xo
When, on a month's notice, I was preparing for retirement, I was forced to make huge financial decisions. I was moving from solidly working class to skimming its bottom. Luxuries had to go. What did I consider a luxury? What was essential?
Luxury - house cleaners, eight Substack subscriptions, books to thumb through with no intention of reading in full, lone Saturday brunch at my favorite French restaurant, $8 lattes, new clothes, and bits and bobs of other little things.
Essential - Elissa Altman and Katherine May's Substack newsletter and any books forthcoming, Trader Joe's cut flowers, contemporary poetry by women of color, Agni Literary Journal, children's books, original art, film, cello lessons, quality food, and God forbid my iMac or MacBook dies, pronto replacement.
As for my own Substack newsletter? It's free to whoever wants a quick look inside any random day in my life. I have a whopping 50 subscribers. Exactly 50. A good, round number. (One is a stalker, but for the sake of roundness, I count her.)
Yes Elissa, we have no choice except do what we do, which includes using our voices in the public spaces we create and cultivate no matter some folk drift like dandelions. Publishing is often approached as a competitive sport. I don't know how to not make it feel that way when one is stripped of 47% of her readership to folk greedy enough to gentrify spaces not designed for them. But isn't it always the way that communities and cultures get co-opted?
All that said (with no solutions), I continue supporting two of my favorite Substack and nonfiction authors no matter my debit card screams "No mas!" You're stuck with me and my long ass responses to your posts.
Once again, your words are a gift this week. I never think of myself as sour grapes, but I came back from two weeks away (traveling/offline) to a Substack that is feeling more and more like Instagram every day, and I have to admit it's getting to me. These words are helpful.
I am always so grateful and somewhat astonished when the words I really need to hear (even when I didn’t know it) arrive to my little sphere, and upon reading them, things get clearer. I know what I need to do.
That they came to me today from you makes them ever more beautiful and me evermore grateful because I love your writing.
“…We are bound to each other by the smallest filaments of hope and possibility…” this is such a beautiful and profound phrase— thank you for this and all your work. My retirement income does not allow me to subscribe to all the Substack creators I’d like to support but there a few I find indispensable to making sense of the world and this is one of them! I’m halfway through “Permission” and need to exchange my library copy for one of my own before I start making margin notes. I’m finding so much there that applies to life in general, whether one writes or doodles. ❤️
If you appreciate great gardens and are going to Scotland you must visit Broadwoodside https://broadwoodside.com/ - ask for a visit if you're not there at the right time. I'm sure they'll welcome you.
Hi Elissa, I just finished reading permission. I’ll read it again. It’s a fantastic resource. The relationship you have with your mother fascinates me. I’m not sure why. Do your work-only you can be you. Great teaching.
I would love to go on one of your writing, Retreats.
This was just the pep talk my little scared quiet writer needed. The 8-year-old girl in me who wrote poems she was scared to show others thanks you, Elisa. I'll stay for the beauty. I'll do my work. And I'll remain grateful for yours.
Love your ode to the creative spirit - it’s a salve in a dark time! And your plans for your trip to England sounds lovely! Those are some of my most favorite landscapes - so inspiring I figure out ways to slip them into any and all lectures I give on historic landscapes!
I was born and raised in NYC and moved to LA in 2001 because I needed geographical space between me and my mother, though I loved her and still love her with all my heart. She got ALS out of nowhere in the spring of 2020, was diagnosed that June and refused to accept the diagnosis for over a year. During COVID lockdowns. Which meant I was trying to manage her care from Los Angeles over zoom in NYC until it was safe to fly there. She’d do things like send the cough assist machine back after I spent months trying to get it sent to her. Good times. I want you to know every time I see one of your posts about phone calls going to her instead of you, or people telling you they don’t know where you should send your POA docs, my whole nervous system understands and cries for you. I am so sorry you’re going through this, and I understand how hard it is to care for someone who spits on your threshold on the way out the door, too. You will ALWAYS be at the coolest table in my book, and your work and your words matter to those of us smart enough to be paying attention to the best kind of cool, for whatever that’s worth. Sending you a lot of love.
Thank you. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Your comment made me cry.
It is so hard. “Walking my mother home” and then letting her go was the hardest thing I ever went through, and I’ve been through some hard things. I was barely standing at the end. I know you have really good support in your life, but if you ever want to message me, I have been there ❤️🩹 Huge hugs. The hugest.
Well, this piece is the best reason to renew my subscription and let’s make it an annual one as I’m fed up with the chopping and changing and trying to fit all the people I want to pay to subscribe to, and support, into a monthly budget. I know who I value on here, it’s the writers I have followed the years. You are deeply appreciated Elissa. Also, enjoy your trip to UK it is beautiful here at the moment and the gardens are simply exploding!
me too, Karen.
🙏🏻
Thank you 🙏🏻
thank you so much Karen 🙏🏻
Thanks, Elissa. Have to say this. For some of us, you ARE one of the cool kids. Your writing inspires, affirms, and and staves off doubt. It also bestows a very special gift. The gift of permission. So thank you for that. I'm teaching a workshop (my first), starting tomorrow, that's for people new to Substack who want to learn the ins and outs of this always changing platform.
They may want the answer so many ask––how do I make money here? I don't have that answer. My five takeaways for my students will be 1. Be generous. 2. Stay true to yourself, your art. 3. Trust that it will come (the money). This one is a little woo-woo, but it's been working for me. 4. Keep showing up. 5. Be clear about your purpose here, especially when tugged by the feeling that you can't compete. See you in Truro. I can't wait. xo
She is definitely one of the cool kids to me.
Exactly. I'm glad you concur!
When, on a month's notice, I was preparing for retirement, I was forced to make huge financial decisions. I was moving from solidly working class to skimming its bottom. Luxuries had to go. What did I consider a luxury? What was essential?
Luxury - house cleaners, eight Substack subscriptions, books to thumb through with no intention of reading in full, lone Saturday brunch at my favorite French restaurant, $8 lattes, new clothes, and bits and bobs of other little things.
Essential - Elissa Altman and Katherine May's Substack newsletter and any books forthcoming, Trader Joe's cut flowers, contemporary poetry by women of color, Agni Literary Journal, children's books, original art, film, cello lessons, quality food, and God forbid my iMac or MacBook dies, pronto replacement.
As for my own Substack newsletter? It's free to whoever wants a quick look inside any random day in my life. I have a whopping 50 subscribers. Exactly 50. A good, round number. (One is a stalker, but for the sake of roundness, I count her.)
Yes Elissa, we have no choice except do what we do, which includes using our voices in the public spaces we create and cultivate no matter some folk drift like dandelions. Publishing is often approached as a competitive sport. I don't know how to not make it feel that way when one is stripped of 47% of her readership to folk greedy enough to gentrify spaces not designed for them. But isn't it always the way that communities and cultures get co-opted?
All that said (with no solutions), I continue supporting two of my favorite Substack and nonfiction authors no matter my debit card screams "No mas!" You're stuck with me and my long ass responses to your posts.
Once again, your words are a gift this week. I never think of myself as sour grapes, but I came back from two weeks away (traveling/offline) to a Substack that is feeling more and more like Instagram every day, and I have to admit it's getting to me. These words are helpful.
With you, Sarah.
How amazing to see Jackie Morris mentioned here, love her work too 💕
You're wicked cool !!!
I am always so grateful and somewhat astonished when the words I really need to hear (even when I didn’t know it) arrive to my little sphere, and upon reading them, things get clearer. I know what I need to do.
That they came to me today from you makes them ever more beautiful and me evermore grateful because I love your writing.
Thank you, Elissa.
You are braver than you realize, my friend. Keep breathing.
“…We are bound to each other by the smallest filaments of hope and possibility…” this is such a beautiful and profound phrase— thank you for this and all your work. My retirement income does not allow me to subscribe to all the Substack creators I’d like to support but there a few I find indispensable to making sense of the world and this is one of them! I’m halfway through “Permission” and need to exchange my library copy for one of my own before I start making margin notes. I’m finding so much there that applies to life in general, whether one writes or doodles. ❤️
PS: you are definitely one of the cool kids!
Don't forget to include Veddw near Chepstow South Wales in your itinerary. It's highly individualistic like it's creators.
If you appreciate great gardens and are going to Scotland you must visit Broadwoodside https://broadwoodside.com/ - ask for a visit if you're not there at the right time. I'm sure they'll welcome you.
If you were to venture to the Welsh border, of course, Veddw is the thing. https://annewareham.substack.com/
Happy travels. Send Mum abusive postcards.
Beauty wins! As you so beautifully demonstrate here. Thank you for this important reminder.
Hi Elissa, I just finished reading permission. I’ll read it again. It’s a fantastic resource. The relationship you have with your mother fascinates me. I’m not sure why. Do your work-only you can be you. Great teaching.
I would love to go on one of your writing, Retreats.
This was just the pep talk my little scared quiet writer needed. The 8-year-old girl in me who wrote poems she was scared to show others thanks you, Elisa. I'll stay for the beauty. I'll do my work. And I'll remain grateful for yours.
Love your ode to the creative spirit - it’s a salve in a dark time! And your plans for your trip to England sounds lovely! Those are some of my most favorite landscapes - so inspiring I figure out ways to slip them into any and all lectures I give on historic landscapes!