That hovering finger reminds me of my favorite line from the Dory Previn song "Children Of Coincidence"- "If the planets were in perfect place, if your sign was on the rise, if the stars were in complete accord, but the sun was in your eyes, you'd have only seen my shadow, as I passed you on the street... and it might have been a hundred years, before our souls would meet again."
Now, at 64, so many of the same thoughts. Like you, I know longer yearn for some of those "bigger" things because I'm not sure I ever wanted them or was truly prepared for them at the time. It is the gift of living longer. Gratitude grows. Also, it becomes truly obvious that there is definitely an expiration date coming so hone in and strap up! ;)
I very nearly deleted the (blind, courageous) email my (now) husband sent asking me out (after I had declined politely to be set up with him months before). If it hadn't been February on MV (and what excuse would I have for not meeting up for coffee), my life would be very different. I'm very glad you didn't delete that message from Susan!
Your essay is very moving and beautifully written. Thirty years ago this month I made the decision to move to France and can look back on the happiest and most successful years of my life. Although I was told that I would “ruin my career” if I left NYC, I found new careers as an author of art books, an entrepreneur selling cultural tours and events, and now as a first-time novelist. I also met the love of my life. I feel blessed because for once I chose not to listen to the naysayers and cynics.
I had my big birthday this year...80. It took nearly that long to stop asking 'what if'. I've finally realized all we have is now and I can kiss the rest good-bye.
I get it!!! The what ifs, the almosts, the fear... The need to endure, to keep going - notwithstanding everything intrinsic and extrinsic that interferes. I've suffered the hovering finger many times , and a lot more often in recent months. I'm coming up to the edge of a big birthday, too -- nearly a decade ahead of you. It actually feels good to read that someone else has similar sensations that they are NOT fearful of declaring in public. I've had a website and a blog for quite a few years, but it remains fairly private, despite being published on the internet. Maybe you have inspired me to share it!
Just lovely writing. It made me think of Tanya Shadrick’s memoir The Cure for Sleep, how we are impacted by our families and hold back, don’t take opportunities and then what can happen if we do. Her writing is beautiful. Maybe you are already familiar with her since she was on The Wintering podcast? Always look forward to your posts!
what may have been on the other side of the sliding doors...I often spend more time imagining those possibilities as what I believe might have been BETTER when truly they’re just what might have been...
Don't worry about the Beaverton part. I drive through many days a week, and it's a vast ocean of strip malls (albeit nice ones, mostly) and parking lots, and well off white folks (I'm one). Portland is more fun, but Beaverton is white bread, oatmeal, pabulum, and yes lots of fit people.
My father’s job moved us from our family’s deep roots in New York to, of all places, Beaverton, Oregon in 1990. I was 8, and growing up in Oregon made a deep impact on who I am in a way that’s different than my parents. It shaped me like anyplace does - the outdoor culture, the punk scene and countercultural politics. I’ve only ever lived in the Northwest and mountain west ever since. Sometimes I meet people from New York, or I see family from there, and I wonder what would have happened to me had we stayed. Would I be the same person? I feel different from my own family members because I was so steeped in this place from a young age. But I also wonder: what don’t I know about the world because I’ve only lived here? What don’t I know about myself? At any rate, I love your work and felt this piece particularly spoke to me! Thank you.
That hovering finger reminds me of my favorite line from the Dory Previn song "Children Of Coincidence"- "If the planets were in perfect place, if your sign was on the rise, if the stars were in complete accord, but the sun was in your eyes, you'd have only seen my shadow, as I passed you on the street... and it might have been a hundred years, before our souls would meet again."
Now, at 64, so many of the same thoughts. Like you, I know longer yearn for some of those "bigger" things because I'm not sure I ever wanted them or was truly prepared for them at the time. It is the gift of living longer. Gratitude grows. Also, it becomes truly obvious that there is definitely an expiration date coming so hone in and strap up! ;)
I very nearly deleted the (blind, courageous) email my (now) husband sent asking me out (after I had declined politely to be set up with him months before). If it hadn't been February on MV (and what excuse would I have for not meeting up for coffee), my life would be very different. I'm very glad you didn't delete that message from Susan!
"moving forward, always forward, and keeping my heart where my feet are." Gorgeous.
Your essay is very moving and beautifully written. Thirty years ago this month I made the decision to move to France and can look back on the happiest and most successful years of my life. Although I was told that I would “ruin my career” if I left NYC, I found new careers as an author of art books, an entrepreneur selling cultural tours and events, and now as a first-time novelist. I also met the love of my life. I feel blessed because for once I chose not to listen to the naysayers and cynics.
I had my big birthday this year...80. It took nearly that long to stop asking 'what if'. I've finally realized all we have is now and I can kiss the rest good-bye.
I get it!!! The what ifs, the almosts, the fear... The need to endure, to keep going - notwithstanding everything intrinsic and extrinsic that interferes. I've suffered the hovering finger many times , and a lot more often in recent months. I'm coming up to the edge of a big birthday, too -- nearly a decade ahead of you. It actually feels good to read that someone else has similar sensations that they are NOT fearful of declaring in public. I've had a website and a blog for quite a few years, but it remains fairly private, despite being published on the internet. Maybe you have inspired me to share it!
Just lovely writing. It made me think of Tanya Shadrick’s memoir The Cure for Sleep, how we are impacted by our families and hold back, don’t take opportunities and then what can happen if we do. Her writing is beautiful. Maybe you are already familiar with her since she was on The Wintering podcast? Always look forward to your posts!
what may have been on the other side of the sliding doors...I often spend more time imagining those possibilities as what I believe might have been BETTER when truly they’re just what might have been...
Don't worry about the Beaverton part. I drive through many days a week, and it's a vast ocean of strip malls (albeit nice ones, mostly) and parking lots, and well off white folks (I'm one). Portland is more fun, but Beaverton is white bread, oatmeal, pabulum, and yes lots of fit people.
Thank you for this, Elissa. It resonates perfectly with me.
Beautiful ! I can relate. Thank you, Elissa.
"keeping my heart where my feet are." Love this. ❤️
Subscribed due to this beautiful piece.
Wow! What a fantastic article thank you for it. I could really identify with what you were saying. Thanks again 😊
My father’s job moved us from our family’s deep roots in New York to, of all places, Beaverton, Oregon in 1990. I was 8, and growing up in Oregon made a deep impact on who I am in a way that’s different than my parents. It shaped me like anyplace does - the outdoor culture, the punk scene and countercultural politics. I’ve only ever lived in the Northwest and mountain west ever since. Sometimes I meet people from New York, or I see family from there, and I wonder what would have happened to me had we stayed. Would I be the same person? I feel different from my own family members because I was so steeped in this place from a young age. But I also wonder: what don’t I know about the world because I’ve only lived here? What don’t I know about myself? At any rate, I love your work and felt this piece particularly spoke to me! Thank you.