Something you said at the beginning of this post got me thinking. When someone suggests you stick to writing about … Who is it that decides what our “lane” is when they suggest that we “stay in our lane” ?
To me the logical answer should be that we each decide what our own lane is. At what point does someone else have the authority to dictate what parameters we should stay within?
My thought when I read this was excuse me did you not see my signal light? Nothing wrong with switching lanes. It’s part of traffic flow. Even in writing.
You articulated everything so well in this piece. Thank you
I was married to a narcissist and failed to recognize it until the behavior began to turn violent and was eventually directed at our young children. But like so many victims of this type of abuse, there were times that I believed that I just hadn’t explained myself right, was being overly sensitive, or expecting too much. Through therapy I realized just how many other people from my life had engaged in similar patterns (eerily like the examples you outline above). Watching T and JD go after Zelenskyy, I felt shame, as if I were the target. So fucked up. I couldn’t believe how triggered I felt. And then I could.
I was married to a narcissist and a violent one as well. The moment that clarified things was when after he had a huge bust-up, that not many people liked him and he was dangerous. I never looked back and only regret what my children had to go through thanks to father's rights. That event in the White House is something I have experienced. Zelenskyy handled it perfectly.
"His bucket is unfillable." You really nailed it. Thank you for being so articulate about the psychopathy in all this. You have helped me understand all along that T doesn't care, can't care. Cruelty - what's that? It's all so very scary.
I was raised by this kind of amoral destructive person. That is why I continue to write about my childhood and jumping off my family tree. But now at the end of my life there is no where else to go. I can not nor do I want to jump off the tree of humanity. As someone who can spot trouble from a long way off I’ve been trembling of late. Knowing to pay attention. To stay alert. To trust the trustworthy and to not back down.
Brilliant, and moving. Thank you. I have been thinking (and saying) myself that Trump (and Musk) are behaving like spiteful, vicious boys to whom the entire country is a video game. They are enjoying deconstructing the country seemingly with no plan except their sociopathic whims. I have been terrified lately to think that, with billions at their disposal, either one of them could start a war, destroy social security, allow the economy to collapse, or let a new pandemic happen, and they wouldn't care: you can see it in their faces. I have met people like that.
I wish I could write everything I thought, but it’s a lot. It sounds like you’ve become very aware. I appreciate how you showed me in your story what was happening and how the various relationships and roles shifted. I like that a lot. It means everything. I have had to deal with that type of person, psychopaths. I listened to an audio book on the dark triad of such disorders. It is a mutation of the brain, but this gives me hope—just because that brain is missing something that gives this person an enhancement—missing the fear gene, such as in the book I read as a girl in my early 20, she used it for vigilante justice.
In the study the researcher realized a member of his family was a psychopath based on scans. He was mortified. He broke the double blind and realized—it was HIM.
He couldn’t understand but then he realized he didn’t feel for people like others do. I can go either way. It’s a choice for me, love and kindness, and because I try to make sure I’m not being selfish with others, I can control myself.
I may suck at cleaning my house, but I can control ME, and it sounds like this author can, too. I am a different person when I’m with someone who is trying to cause me pain. Reactive abuse is real. And it’s why we need to not point fingers and say “thank you” for having the courage to show me something about myself I dislike. You’re right—thanks yous are important. I definitely thank you for writing such a comprehensive piece.
For the psychopaths (if they are—they’re advanced mutants for sure) in my life, I give them gratitude. I will talk to them about their work. I will be delicate with their egos. I don’t think psychopathy is bad at all. I am one as well I realize. And if all comes down to my knowledge of human nature, my deepest felt desire to heal people from the needless suffering that pushed my mutation and ability to create to the spectrum of genius. And for knowing how to do deep gratitude.
We are all psychopaths. Some just more evolved to ignore society, to pay attention to what’s for us, and to eschew the rest.
As for marketing—I used to do that. I now understand marketing is ALL a scam. I have paid for courses many times I’ll never take, but the payment is my way of saying thank you to people I may never meet. Thank you for trying to help in the many ways you do. I hate marketing. It’s not for me, and if it’s not for you, just walk away. Just like with everything. Super piece—I always think more when I read and respond. It’s helped me become more thoughtful. If I read every piece in the author’s shoes and we take a walk together, I understand them, and I cannot help but love them and take pity on their suffering, celebrate the abundant light I see and tell them it’s okay. We are all the same but different and recognizing that and being kind is how we win the game. 🫶🐦🔥✨🌈
Elissa, you leave me breathless. Last time around, I knew for sure T was a narcissistic lying sack of you-know-what, and worse. Now, we are seeing exactly how much worse. So far, the best I have been able to muster is a letter of apology and encouragement to President Zelensky with the assurance most of America is with him and to be strong in the face of an ill-mannered bully. But this does nothing to deal with the root problem. We are being sorely tested
Spot on. The visceral reaction I had to watching Vance and Trump talk over Zelensky, gaslighting him, putting their shortfalls onto him, was so completely triggering. Yes, I know these men.
Wow! This is powerful writing and we need to hear these things. Thank you so much for sharing your personal story to illustrate perfectly what is at stake with Mr T.
Excellent analysis of the disastrous situation in the Oval Office. When T wanted Z to grovel, he refused. So, V then insults him thinking he would succumb. No way. Just a thought. A savvy comedian can outwit an Ivy League schmuck!
I feel such anxiety, sadness, fear & helpless in changing what's going on and then sometimes I feel like I'm disassociating. Like wtf is this really happening?? Visiting the Netherlands last year--my first time outside of the US--after re-reading the Diary of Anne Frank as an adult--made such an impact on me. I've become a bit obsessed with learning and reading everything about wwII in Europe, particularly the Netherlands, the rise of facsism, nazism. I've sobbed while reading all the pain, the fear, the hatred. The infuriating similarities--nearly play by play--of the history that lead to such evil.
Absolutely brilliant! We are living a nightmare in the U S right now. Yes, a malignant narcissist is our president. I
am embarrassed to be an American .
I love all your writing. I am finishing the book about your mom. Will read all of them. Thank you for articulating what so many of us are feeling.
Something you said at the beginning of this post got me thinking. When someone suggests you stick to writing about … Who is it that decides what our “lane” is when they suggest that we “stay in our lane” ?
To me the logical answer should be that we each decide what our own lane is. At what point does someone else have the authority to dictate what parameters we should stay within?
I ask that question all the time. It's mind-boggling.
My thought when I read this was excuse me did you not see my signal light? Nothing wrong with switching lanes. It’s part of traffic flow. Even in writing.
You articulated everything so well in this piece. Thank you
I want to read this 5 or 6 more times before I start my day. An amazing write. Thank you.
I was married to a narcissist and failed to recognize it until the behavior began to turn violent and was eventually directed at our young children. But like so many victims of this type of abuse, there were times that I believed that I just hadn’t explained myself right, was being overly sensitive, or expecting too much. Through therapy I realized just how many other people from my life had engaged in similar patterns (eerily like the examples you outline above). Watching T and JD go after Zelenskyy, I felt shame, as if I were the target. So fucked up. I couldn’t believe how triggered I felt. And then I could.
I was married to a narcissist and a violent one as well. The moment that clarified things was when after he had a huge bust-up, that not many people liked him and he was dangerous. I never looked back and only regret what my children had to go through thanks to father's rights. That event in the White House is something I have experienced. Zelenskyy handled it perfectly.
"His bucket is unfillable." You really nailed it. Thank you for being so articulate about the psychopathy in all this. You have helped me understand all along that T doesn't care, can't care. Cruelty - what's that? It's all so very scary.
Wow, Elissa, I didn't exhale til I reached the end.
I was raised by this kind of amoral destructive person. That is why I continue to write about my childhood and jumping off my family tree. But now at the end of my life there is no where else to go. I can not nor do I want to jump off the tree of humanity. As someone who can spot trouble from a long way off I’ve been trembling of late. Knowing to pay attention. To stay alert. To trust the trustworthy and to not back down.
Brilliant, and moving. Thank you. I have been thinking (and saying) myself that Trump (and Musk) are behaving like spiteful, vicious boys to whom the entire country is a video game. They are enjoying deconstructing the country seemingly with no plan except their sociopathic whims. I have been terrified lately to think that, with billions at their disposal, either one of them could start a war, destroy social security, allow the economy to collapse, or let a new pandemic happen, and they wouldn't care: you can see it in their faces. I have met people like that.
I wish I could write everything I thought, but it’s a lot. It sounds like you’ve become very aware. I appreciate how you showed me in your story what was happening and how the various relationships and roles shifted. I like that a lot. It means everything. I have had to deal with that type of person, psychopaths. I listened to an audio book on the dark triad of such disorders. It is a mutation of the brain, but this gives me hope—just because that brain is missing something that gives this person an enhancement—missing the fear gene, such as in the book I read as a girl in my early 20, she used it for vigilante justice.
In the study the researcher realized a member of his family was a psychopath based on scans. He was mortified. He broke the double blind and realized—it was HIM.
He couldn’t understand but then he realized he didn’t feel for people like others do. I can go either way. It’s a choice for me, love and kindness, and because I try to make sure I’m not being selfish with others, I can control myself.
I may suck at cleaning my house, but I can control ME, and it sounds like this author can, too. I am a different person when I’m with someone who is trying to cause me pain. Reactive abuse is real. And it’s why we need to not point fingers and say “thank you” for having the courage to show me something about myself I dislike. You’re right—thanks yous are important. I definitely thank you for writing such a comprehensive piece.
For the psychopaths (if they are—they’re advanced mutants for sure) in my life, I give them gratitude. I will talk to them about their work. I will be delicate with their egos. I don’t think psychopathy is bad at all. I am one as well I realize. And if all comes down to my knowledge of human nature, my deepest felt desire to heal people from the needless suffering that pushed my mutation and ability to create to the spectrum of genius. And for knowing how to do deep gratitude.
We are all psychopaths. Some just more evolved to ignore society, to pay attention to what’s for us, and to eschew the rest.
As for marketing—I used to do that. I now understand marketing is ALL a scam. I have paid for courses many times I’ll never take, but the payment is my way of saying thank you to people I may never meet. Thank you for trying to help in the many ways you do. I hate marketing. It’s not for me, and if it’s not for you, just walk away. Just like with everything. Super piece—I always think more when I read and respond. It’s helped me become more thoughtful. If I read every piece in the author’s shoes and we take a walk together, I understand them, and I cannot help but love them and take pity on their suffering, celebrate the abundant light I see and tell them it’s okay. We are all the same but different and recognizing that and being kind is how we win the game. 🫶🐦🔥✨🌈
Thank you Elissa, you hit the nail on the head.
I live in Germany and also we are shocked about the behaviour of T.
It is a big consolation to see that so many people, also in the US, do not approve of what he is doing.
I am scared...
I always read your posts with great interest and pleasure, and will try to get your books over here.
Thank you 🙏🏻
Stunning. Thank you for putting into words so beautifully what I’ve been feeling is so horrible I haven’t been able to find words for it.
Elissa, you leave me breathless. Last time around, I knew for sure T was a narcissistic lying sack of you-know-what, and worse. Now, we are seeing exactly how much worse. So far, the best I have been able to muster is a letter of apology and encouragement to President Zelensky with the assurance most of America is with him and to be strong in the face of an ill-mannered bully. But this does nothing to deal with the root problem. We are being sorely tested
Spot on. The visceral reaction I had to watching Vance and Trump talk over Zelensky, gaslighting him, putting their shortfalls onto him, was so completely triggering. Yes, I know these men.
Wow! This is powerful writing and we need to hear these things. Thank you so much for sharing your personal story to illustrate perfectly what is at stake with Mr T.
Excellent analysis of the disastrous situation in the Oval Office. When T wanted Z to grovel, he refused. So, V then insults him thinking he would succumb. No way. Just a thought. A savvy comedian can outwit an Ivy League schmuck!
Indeed. Brilliant. My intuition has been somewhat uneven. So much to say here, I will just thank you for writing this.
yes and thank you
I feel such anxiety, sadness, fear & helpless in changing what's going on and then sometimes I feel like I'm disassociating. Like wtf is this really happening?? Visiting the Netherlands last year--my first time outside of the US--after re-reading the Diary of Anne Frank as an adult--made such an impact on me. I've become a bit obsessed with learning and reading everything about wwII in Europe, particularly the Netherlands, the rise of facsism, nazism. I've sobbed while reading all the pain, the fear, the hatred. The infuriating similarities--nearly play by play--of the history that lead to such evil.