Whatever you owe her, you owe yourself, and Susan, more.
I’m the remote caregiver and POA for my father, who has Lewy Body Dementia. I just got off the phone with him, from the hospital (his 5th visit this month.) I have to remind myself, over and over again, that my mental health and my children come first. He has no other caregivers or friends or family because he chose to push them all away, for decades. We have to care for our parents, yes. But we have to care for ourselves more, and sometimes that means they have to live the lonely consequences of their actions. I’m so glad you are taking this trip. Maybe you are taking it for all of us who are daily caregivers to complicated people whom we love.
This wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t so hilarious. I have a brother who has been enacting this very scenario for years. To whit: “I have no caregiver today, he tells me on the phone. Caregiver in the background, “I’m right here, sir.”
Peace and beauty to you and Susan. And, may I suggest not to come back before the end of your trip. Even if her “hair is on fire”🔥
Oh Elissa ... one of your best posts EVER. It's both hilariously told & heartrending. I hope you can have at least one day where you 'take the phone completely off the hook' and figure "Que sera, sera --" as my thank-godfully 95-year-old-not-demented father used to say so I'd feel OK going out for a walk in the woods.
You and Susan more than deserve this trip; it sounds essential to your mutual well being, so do not feel guilt or guilted into coming home sooner than planned. Think of this trip as time to relax, rejuvenate and reset. Your mother won’t change, she has made that abundantly clear, but your reaction can. To your health and well being….go and live your one precious life!
I'm sorry life is so complicated for you at the moment Elissa. I hope you find a way to prioritise your own days, even for these few weeks, without even a grain of guilt - you have a life to be lived too
Honestly, going on holiday is a nightmare at the best of times, but this is way too much. I think it's heroic that you're making space for what you need!
I've been the caregiver to a difficult parent (although admittedly not as difficult as yours) and I know unequivocally that you deserve to have an enjoyable break. Nothing will change what you will eventually have to go home to, so try not to let it seep into your trip. Mom's gonna mom. But you get to live your life in the meantime. Hope you have the best time!
Thanks for taking time to write this. I needed the humor amid the tears. Oy, the sabotage is real! I sneak around like a teenager avoiding letting my parent know of any special plans.
Whatever you owe her, you owe yourself, and Susan, more.
I’m the remote caregiver and POA for my father, who has Lewy Body Dementia. I just got off the phone with him, from the hospital (his 5th visit this month.) I have to remind myself, over and over again, that my mental health and my children come first. He has no other caregivers or friends or family because he chose to push them all away, for decades. We have to care for our parents, yes. But we have to care for ourselves more, and sometimes that means they have to live the lonely consequences of their actions. I’m so glad you are taking this trip. Maybe you are taking it for all of us who are daily caregivers to complicated people whom we love.
Scotland is ready and waiting to welcome you both, and from one remote-parent-caregiver to another, I offer no advice only solidarity, Elissa.
Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
This wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t so hilarious. I have a brother who has been enacting this very scenario for years. To whit: “I have no caregiver today, he tells me on the phone. Caregiver in the background, “I’m right here, sir.”
Peace and beauty to you and Susan. And, may I suggest not to come back before the end of your trip. Even if her “hair is on fire”🔥
Ooof…have a peaceful trip. May the drama be muted and the fun expansive.
Holding you in my heart Elissa.
The fucking cunning. Good god I don't miss that.
Have a wonderful time for the majority of your trip, and fingers crossed the crisis will be manageable from afar. Say hello to Sissinghurst for me!
Oh Elissa ... one of your best posts EVER. It's both hilariously told & heartrending. I hope you can have at least one day where you 'take the phone completely off the hook' and figure "Que sera, sera --" as my thank-godfully 95-year-old-not-demented father used to say so I'd feel OK going out for a walk in the woods.
This trip is very needed. May you go, enjoy your time & soak up all the wonderful experiences & visits with old friends.
Trusting that your time away is nourishing in all the best of ways and you both return home feeling rested & restored.
Do not go home early. This trip is vital for you & Susan.
Hugs 🧡
You and Susan more than deserve this trip; it sounds essential to your mutual well being, so do not feel guilt or guilted into coming home sooner than planned. Think of this trip as time to relax, rejuvenate and reset. Your mother won’t change, she has made that abundantly clear, but your reaction can. To your health and well being….go and live your one precious life!
I'm sorry life is so complicated for you at the moment Elissa. I hope you find a way to prioritise your own days, even for these few weeks, without even a grain of guilt - you have a life to be lived too
Honestly, going on holiday is a nightmare at the best of times, but this is way too much. I think it's heroic that you're making space for what you need!
Travelling mercies, Elissa.
I hope you have a wonderful trip, with interruptions at bare minimum. Truly. Oy. xo
I've been the caregiver to a difficult parent (although admittedly not as difficult as yours) and I know unequivocally that you deserve to have an enjoyable break. Nothing will change what you will eventually have to go home to, so try not to let it seep into your trip. Mom's gonna mom. But you get to live your life in the meantime. Hope you have the best time!
I feel this. In my soul. So beautiful to read that you’re taking this much needed trip.
Thanks for taking time to write this. I needed the humor amid the tears. Oy, the sabotage is real! I sneak around like a teenager avoiding letting my parent know of any special plans.
Wishing you safe travels, Godspeed, and peace, peace, peace. ❤️