So glad you get to spend two weeks in that lovely place. Thank you for being a compassionate critic of Harry's memoir. I agree he seems to be desperate to make sense of the nonsensical. That he's doing it in public . . . appropriate, perhaps, given he didn't have a choice about having to live his life there?
This makes such an important point (or several). I also thought the Anderson Cooper interview was very genuine. Unfortunately, most of the world will only *receive* Harry as a celebrity, so the finer points of what he has to say get lost in the sensationalist excerpts.
Hello, Elissa, your piece is very insightful, and I think it deserves a much wider audience. I've read many pieces on "Spare", and this is one of the few that actually has something worth reading. It should be a major newspaper.
As always, Elissa, you are the person I turn to for compassionate wisdom. You so mindfully sift through the stories and experiences we all carry and teach us lessons we all need to learn. Thank you.
What a beautiful piece -- but I feel it's missing a final paragraph. What is your opinion -- does profound grief justify revenge writing, with all its consequences?
As I said above, "In every workshop I lead, I talk about revenge writing never, ever being a good idea: revenge is, as they say, like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die. Revenge writing deflates language, destroys art, flattens souls, renders characters cliched and one-dimensional and lifeless." Nothing justifies revenge writing. For all the reasons I indicate.
Beautiful writing and very insightful. I also love Mary Karr’s advice to wait 5-7 years after any traumatic event before writing a memoir or speaking on something (publically... which would be hard for Harry) as this is how long it takes for the anger to cool and our emotions to soften.
Mary’s advice is wise, but only works if the traumatic event and one’s response to it is not unresolved. There are those of us who carry the trauma with us at the cellular level, and for us, there is no hard and fast timeline. To assume that everyone heals at the same rate is shortsighted. (Much as I admire and respect her.)
I'm 68 years old; time to write the memoir if I'm ever going to. Having just read your article, the doubts that prevent my beginning to come up again: on one hand, I'd like to leave my memoirs to my children; it's been a rich and varied life. On the other, there's the ethical issue: how far can I dig into family history without betraying the trust of the living - and the dead? I'm not expecting an answer, here. I'll have to reach my own conclusions. But thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful piece! And for helping humanize this young man that has gone through so much. Grief is a deeply private process... for his to have been so public is not only a terrible shame but devastatingly cruel. My heart goes out to him.
This is so good and ties in with things I have been working on in myself. Your work on permission has me thinking about what my own stories and their transmission. And you are so right about Prince Harry—there is so much grief and loss there.
Amen. Your writing is amazingly clear and very precise. Thank you for using your hard-won talent to enlighten. I wish I could travel to just sit in on one of your workshops.
Oh, Elissa, beautifully put. I agree with every word. Thank you for writing this.
thank you Jane
Absolutely the best piece of writing I have seen on this subject so far. So wise.
thank you. E
So glad you get to spend two weeks in that lovely place. Thank you for being a compassionate critic of Harry's memoir. I agree he seems to be desperate to make sense of the nonsensical. That he's doing it in public . . . appropriate, perhaps, given he didn't have a choice about having to live his life there?
This makes such an important point (or several). I also thought the Anderson Cooper interview was very genuine. Unfortunately, most of the world will only *receive* Harry as a celebrity, so the finer points of what he has to say get lost in the sensationalist excerpts.
Hello, Elissa, your piece is very insightful, and I think it deserves a much wider audience. I've read many pieces on "Spare", and this is one of the few that actually has something worth reading. It should be a major newspaper.
As always, Elissa, you are the person I turn to for compassionate wisdom. You so mindfully sift through the stories and experiences we all carry and teach us lessons we all need to learn. Thank you.
So beautifully written, Elissa! ❤️
Friends frequently suggest I should write a memoir. I have no desire to do that. Reading your article clarified for me why I have no need to!
What a beautiful piece -- but I feel it's missing a final paragraph. What is your opinion -- does profound grief justify revenge writing, with all its consequences?
As I said above, "In every workshop I lead, I talk about revenge writing never, ever being a good idea: revenge is, as they say, like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die. Revenge writing deflates language, destroys art, flattens souls, renders characters cliched and one-dimensional and lifeless." Nothing justifies revenge writing. For all the reasons I indicate.
such a lovely piece....
sorrow is the great leveller, indeed. xo
Beautiful writing and very insightful. I also love Mary Karr’s advice to wait 5-7 years after any traumatic event before writing a memoir or speaking on something (publically... which would be hard for Harry) as this is how long it takes for the anger to cool and our emotions to soften.
Mary’s advice is wise, but only works if the traumatic event and one’s response to it is not unresolved. There are those of us who carry the trauma with us at the cellular level, and for us, there is no hard and fast timeline. To assume that everyone heals at the same rate is shortsighted. (Much as I admire and respect her.)
I'm 68 years old; time to write the memoir if I'm ever going to. Having just read your article, the doubts that prevent my beginning to come up again: on one hand, I'd like to leave my memoirs to my children; it's been a rich and varied life. On the other, there's the ethical issue: how far can I dig into family history without betraying the trust of the living - and the dead? I'm not expecting an answer, here. I'll have to reach my own conclusions. But thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful piece! And for helping humanize this young man that has gone through so much. Grief is a deeply private process... for his to have been so public is not only a terrible shame but devastatingly cruel. My heart goes out to him.
This is so good and ties in with things I have been working on in myself. Your work on permission has me thinking about what my own stories and their transmission. And you are so right about Prince Harry—there is so much grief and loss there.
Beautifully said.
Amen. Your writing is amazingly clear and very precise. Thank you for using your hard-won talent to enlighten. I wish I could travel to just sit in on one of your workshops.