Good to hear you're on the mend, Elissa. Thank you for this piece. Just to say that I had a mother like that to - she had found her father collapsed with a fatal heart attack, when she was 15, and her mother (my grandmother ) told her it was nothing, and sent her out of the room, whereupon he died. When I was struck by pneumonia at age 6, she grabbed me from the bed and ran screaming to the hospital, then left me there for 3 weeks without coming to visit me once. She must have been terrified that I, too, might die. And I thought she was dead! I guess that was the point when I determined never to get sick again - and I have pretty much kept to it. And we'll see, time will tell......
I am glad that you are feeling better. Absolutely beautiful essay. I grew up with a mom who never acknowledged illness with comfort
Glad that you are feeling better. Beautiful essay. Encouraged me to look back at my mom handled illness throughout her life. Did not . I followed in her footsteps & always showed tough love to myself, sister & husband. I am very nurturing to my animals.Maybe missing an element of nurturing I missed. My grandmother was very self absorbed & my mom did not receive much attention. I loved my mom dearly & we were best friends till her passing at 98.
Loved reading this as I wrote On Mortality but haven’t put it on Substack—too dark. Trying to recover also but asthma reared it’s head to complicate things. I think you’re right about this Covid—in sync with you, I’m getting close to what my father may be able to teach me and I’ll be 80 this year. At least we can still learn. Thank you
Beautiful essay, Elissa. I hope you’re feeling better. I just finished 10 days with JN1, too--not easy.
You share such poignant examples of your mom’s difficult relationship to illness. My father too has throughout his life demonstrated tremendous difficulty acknowledging illness. His mom was diagnosed with cancer when my dad was young, and her prognosis was quite grim--yet she outlived the prognosis by 25 years. My dad grew up thinking she was always about to die. Quite a horrid way to grow up, I imagine. I didn’t get to meet my grandmother. In my life, I’ve felt like I’ve had to prove to my dad that I really am sick/injured. It’s always seemed like nothing could really be as bad as his mother’s illness.
That last paragraph. Ooof. The juxtaposition of how, in your forced silence from being ill you were able to feel and hear your mom’s impact with illness, family trauma and how that spreads (just like a virus) was so impactful.
beautiful. i too have a complicated relationship w my mother, much of it threaded through illness narratives...
as much as i haven’t wanted to admit it, my mother does know me more than i often credit her for...and while her form of care may not be what i always wanted, there is often something being said i need to hear.
As others have written, this is a powerful and insightful piece which you somehow mustered the strength to pen while knocked down again by Covid. The last paragraph is an eye-opener. It may reveal the underlying message your mother has never before been able to articulate. I hope you continue to feel better. ❤️🩹
Beautiful essay, Elissa, and so insightful about your mother-daughter (and grandmother-mother) tangle of relationships around illness. I recovered, finally, from Covid this fall but it has worn away a lot of my normal energy and it taken much longer to regain it this time around. Quite the experience. I'm amazed that you have the stamina for writing this piece--more power to you!
This is such a beautiful essay, I hope it turns up in a book. I am glad you are getting better.
It's very frustrating to not have illness register on tests but it must be widespread. I'm glad you ran into a PA who was sensible.
It's strange about children and illness, it can feel so terrifying to have a sick child. I'm glad a long history of that became a clear message now.
I was thinking the same thing! May it turn up in a book! Beautiful! Glad you’re on the mend.
Thank you Jane
Thank you Alice. That means the world coming from you. 🙏🏻
Good to hear you're on the mend, Elissa. Thank you for this piece. Just to say that I had a mother like that to - she had found her father collapsed with a fatal heart attack, when she was 15, and her mother (my grandmother ) told her it was nothing, and sent her out of the room, whereupon he died. When I was struck by pneumonia at age 6, she grabbed me from the bed and ran screaming to the hospital, then left me there for 3 weeks without coming to visit me once. She must have been terrified that I, too, might die. And I thought she was dead! I guess that was the point when I determined never to get sick again - and I have pretty much kept to it. And we'll see, time will tell......
Astonishing. I’m so sorry -
This is a beautiful piece of writing... aching and tender in all the good-hard ways.
I am glad that you are feeling better. Absolutely beautiful essay. I grew up with a mom who never acknowledged illness with comfort
Glad that you are feeling better. Beautiful essay. Encouraged me to look back at my mom handled illness throughout her life. Did not . I followed in her footsteps & always showed tough love to myself, sister & husband. I am very nurturing to my animals.Maybe missing an element of nurturing I missed. My grandmother was very self absorbed & my mom did not receive much attention. I loved my mom dearly & we were best friends till her passing at 98.
Am in awe of your spectacular writing even when recovering! Thank you Elissa, hope the recovery continues
Loved reading this as I wrote On Mortality but haven’t put it on Substack—too dark. Trying to recover also but asthma reared it’s head to complicate things. I think you’re right about this Covid—in sync with you, I’m getting close to what my father may be able to teach me and I’ll be 80 this year. At least we can still learn. Thank you
Beautiful essay, Elissa. I hope you’re feeling better. I just finished 10 days with JN1, too--not easy.
You share such poignant examples of your mom’s difficult relationship to illness. My father too has throughout his life demonstrated tremendous difficulty acknowledging illness. His mom was diagnosed with cancer when my dad was young, and her prognosis was quite grim--yet she outlived the prognosis by 25 years. My dad grew up thinking she was always about to die. Quite a horrid way to grow up, I imagine. I didn’t get to meet my grandmother. In my life, I’ve felt like I’ve had to prove to my dad that I really am sick/injured. It’s always seemed like nothing could really be as bad as his mother’s illness.
This was a powerful piece of writing. Illness can be a hard condition in which to listen and learn. Thank you. I hope you reschedule the workshop.
That last paragraph. Ooof. The juxtaposition of how, in your forced silence from being ill you were able to feel and hear your mom’s impact with illness, family trauma and how that spreads (just like a virus) was so impactful.
I hope you feel better real soon, Elissa.
beautiful. i too have a complicated relationship w my mother, much of it threaded through illness narratives...
as much as i haven’t wanted to admit it, my mother does know me more than i often credit her for...and while her form of care may not be what i always wanted, there is often something being said i need to hear.
so glad you are feeling better ~
As others have written, this is a powerful and insightful piece which you somehow mustered the strength to pen while knocked down again by Covid. The last paragraph is an eye-opener. It may reveal the underlying message your mother has never before been able to articulate. I hope you continue to feel better. ❤️🩹
Oh how much I relate to the understory of illness in families. Powerful medicine that recognition.
Powerful piece of writing.......your words resonate deeply with me
Powerful piece. Speedy recovery. ❤️🩹
Perfect.
You're the daughter she truly loves.
She loves you so and her anger and fears smears and hides her love for you.
I hope you are feeling better.
Beautiful essay, Elissa, and so insightful about your mother-daughter (and grandmother-mother) tangle of relationships around illness. I recovered, finally, from Covid this fall but it has worn away a lot of my normal energy and it taken much longer to regain it this time around. Quite the experience. I'm amazed that you have the stamina for writing this piece--more power to you!