Elissa, I just found and subscribed to your substack last week. Seeing this post in my inbox today, I momentarily forgot who, what, when, and how it came about, and then I remembered and read on. I am so moved by this piece, thank you. On another side of hope, I moved this year and found myself without any green space to grow and garden, and in a basement unit, without meaningful amounts of sunlight, for myself or my plants. I was feeling so lost and all my beautiful cherished houseplants started to die, I found myself stepping outside onto my patio only to be eye-level with nothing but grey gravel and shoes. In early spring with a dream to see green things, I bought planter boxes and nasturtium, pansies, lemon thyme, basil, and two brightly coloured potted flowers. I tended to them fervently inside, with the 5 plant-saving grow lights I purchased when my plants started to turn. As I look outside now, I see six little boxes of lush green foliage, herbs, pollinator friendly flowers, and market carrots growing alongside marigolds. When there is the need and the will to see life grow and bloom, it will always find a way. Thank you for your words.
I feel such relief reading this Elissa! Our veggie gardens in the PNW have also dwindled this year, a combination of an unseasonably chilly spring, ravenous birds and overly zealous composting that stunted and yellowed all my starts. And now I’m down with Covid 12 days and counting and anything that does look harvestable is tossed to the hens because canned chicken soup is about all my energy can muster. Allowing the cycles to exist instead of asserting our illusory control is such a good way to be. I so appreciate the reminder and can breathe a bit more deeply after reading. 🙏
Keeping a garden can be both incredibly rewarding and unbelievably challenging. I’m basically a flower gardener, tho I do grow herbs, and a large pot with two varieties of tomato. Your poison ivy sounds so intimidating. I’m in Colorado…we deal with nothing that serious - basically just a short growing season, snow and hail, and currently a climate change induced heat wave. I can so relate to your malaise. I don’t know if it’s my age (approaching 68) or just the general feeling of impending doom in the times that we live in. I encourage you, and myself, to relax and give ourselves permission to enjoy our messy gardens, all perfectly imperfect.
Sending wishes of love, peace and good health to you and Susan.
"grief seeps into one’s pores and it stays there for good...you come to understand that it is now a part of your DNA..."--this resonates deeply. Thank you for sharing the recipe, as well. I need to find clear honey.
We live in Northern Alberta so our summers are much shorter, usually only 5 months. Every year I have great plans and every year I am both pleased and disappointed with my effort. However, I have come to look on my garden much like Christmas, there is always next year to try and get it right.
A wonderful stirring essay. I love all the good food but not the work it takes to garden. Aging is a process of letting go and re-writing narratives. Blessings!
My daughter and I planned a garden in 2020, flowers and vegetables. We hoped she would be well enough to help tend it. She died of breast cancer that summer, our gardening plans replaced by June in hospital. She passed July 4th. We can always hope she would say. Thank you for this beautiful essay.
I only have four raised beds, and even that has begun to feel like too much. So I’ve converted the oldest one to a perennial pie bed— rhubarb and strawberries. The deer and bunnies did a number on half the strawberries, but the rhubarb is flourishing. And next year I’ll put in more strawberries and maybe net them (?). Try again.
Elissa, today’s post resonates deeply with me. I’m in the Bay Area, California, just north of the Golden Gate bridge. Even back in early May, when I planted my summer crop, the tomato plants quickly turned anemic, despite my best efforts. My strawberries, snow and snap peas and lettuces did great until a couple of weeks ago, due to the massive heat dome that just abated this past weekend. Everything is dried up. I’ve never had such a dismal summer crop.
I long ago gave up a vegetable garden. I was exhausted fighting the deer, the woodchucks, the bunnies et al . Now I have mostly given up annuals because… well, age just makes it too labor intensive at the beginning of spring/summer. I am happy with my growing group of (mostly)deer resistant perennials which I keep after with a homemade spray deterrent. My gardens have changed with age, as I have. Time marches on. Keep the faith!
Once at the end of summer I sat in the dirt and drew the dying tomato plant vines. So many tomatoes, and then, simply dry lines against the sky. I love the process of growing plants. Now I live in a townhouse but I still look at plant seed catalogs.
Elissa, I just found and subscribed to your substack last week. Seeing this post in my inbox today, I momentarily forgot who, what, when, and how it came about, and then I remembered and read on. I am so moved by this piece, thank you. On another side of hope, I moved this year and found myself without any green space to grow and garden, and in a basement unit, without meaningful amounts of sunlight, for myself or my plants. I was feeling so lost and all my beautiful cherished houseplants started to die, I found myself stepping outside onto my patio only to be eye-level with nothing but grey gravel and shoes. In early spring with a dream to see green things, I bought planter boxes and nasturtium, pansies, lemon thyme, basil, and two brightly coloured potted flowers. I tended to them fervently inside, with the 5 plant-saving grow lights I purchased when my plants started to turn. As I look outside now, I see six little boxes of lush green foliage, herbs, pollinator friendly flowers, and market carrots growing alongside marigolds. When there is the need and the will to see life grow and bloom, it will always find a way. Thank you for your words.
🙏🏻 Thank you
I feel such relief reading this Elissa! Our veggie gardens in the PNW have also dwindled this year, a combination of an unseasonably chilly spring, ravenous birds and overly zealous composting that stunted and yellowed all my starts. And now I’m down with Covid 12 days and counting and anything that does look harvestable is tossed to the hens because canned chicken soup is about all my energy can muster. Allowing the cycles to exist instead of asserting our illusory control is such a good way to be. I so appreciate the reminder and can breathe a bit more deeply after reading. 🙏
I’m so sorry—hope you feel better!
Keeping a garden can be both incredibly rewarding and unbelievably challenging. I’m basically a flower gardener, tho I do grow herbs, and a large pot with two varieties of tomato. Your poison ivy sounds so intimidating. I’m in Colorado…we deal with nothing that serious - basically just a short growing season, snow and hail, and currently a climate change induced heat wave. I can so relate to your malaise. I don’t know if it’s my age (approaching 68) or just the general feeling of impending doom in the times that we live in. I encourage you, and myself, to relax and give ourselves permission to enjoy our messy gardens, all perfectly imperfect.
Sending wishes of love, peace and good health to you and Susan.
Thank you 🙏🏻
"grief seeps into one’s pores and it stays there for good...you come to understand that it is now a part of your DNA..."--this resonates deeply. Thank you for sharing the recipe, as well. I need to find clear honey.
We live in Northern Alberta so our summers are much shorter, usually only 5 months. Every year I have great plans and every year I am both pleased and disappointed with my effort. However, I have come to look on my garden much like Christmas, there is always next year to try and get it right.
A wonderful stirring essay. I love all the good food but not the work it takes to garden. Aging is a process of letting go and re-writing narratives. Blessings!
Thank you!
What a wonderful read, thank you. And so yes to gardening being a contract with hope
Thank you so much, Mark 🙏🏻
My daughter and I planned a garden in 2020, flowers and vegetables. We hoped she would be well enough to help tend it. She died of breast cancer that summer, our gardening plans replaced by June in hospital. She passed July 4th. We can always hope she would say. Thank you for this beautiful essay.
Oh Linda. I’m so very sorry. 💔
I only have four raised beds, and even that has begun to feel like too much. So I’ve converted the oldest one to a perennial pie bed— rhubarb and strawberries. The deer and bunnies did a number on half the strawberries, but the rhubarb is flourishing. And next year I’ll put in more strawberries and maybe net them (?). Try again.
I love this!!
Elissa, today’s post resonates deeply with me. I’m in the Bay Area, California, just north of the Golden Gate bridge. Even back in early May, when I planted my summer crop, the tomato plants quickly turned anemic, despite my best efforts. My strawberries, snow and snap peas and lettuces did great until a couple of weeks ago, due to the massive heat dome that just abated this past weekend. Everything is dried up. I’ve never had such a dismal summer crop.
I’m so sorry. I’m guessing you’re in Sausalito or Mill Valley. Go to the water and let it take care of you. 🙏🏻
It's not an end but you know a new beginning. Yes it will take a lot of work, but you know it is so worth it. Have loved your writing for years. K
I really enjoyed this piece! It makes me feel not so alone. My garden is looking dreadful and I did so much work!
I long ago gave up a vegetable garden. I was exhausted fighting the deer, the woodchucks, the bunnies et al . Now I have mostly given up annuals because… well, age just makes it too labor intensive at the beginning of spring/summer. I am happy with my growing group of (mostly)deer resistant perennials which I keep after with a homemade spray deterrent. My gardens have changed with age, as I have. Time marches on. Keep the faith!
Once at the end of summer I sat in the dirt and drew the dying tomato plant vines. So many tomatoes, and then, simply dry lines against the sky. I love the process of growing plants. Now I live in a townhouse but I still look at plant seed catalogs.