Yes, agreed. Just simple tasks are difficult to sustain after becoming a widow. It has been 2 years for me and I still have to put reminders in my calendar or things go undone. Take care.
On Nov. 6, I was out at my community garden plot and met up with a fellow gardener when we were fussing with wheelbarrows. He asked me how I was doing. "Upright and taking sustenance," I replied. He stopped in his tracks, spun around, and opened his broken heart.
Elissa, I love this so, so much. I too am someone who becomes "too undone to eat." The meals you posted are almost just like what I start with to build up, in order to wither away in a stiff wind. When both of my parents died last March (Dad, days after Mom's funeral) all I could manage was coffee and Trident gum. It was my daughter, who said, "Grandma would want you to eat. Start with buttered toast. It's what you used to give me when I was little and sick."
Many, many thanks for this. I often marvel at my own coping mechanisms as to food. It is my deepest love language. And, when I am anxious, I cook more. And more meaningful, as I feel particularly vulnerable and really want the physical company of food and enjoyers.
You have a beautiful style of evoking your passions-food, self-care, community. Please stay connected with us here. We need one another and every word counts.
I'm so sorry about your dog companion --- That's very difficult. We just recently lost our 14 year old terrier. Please come back and visit my substack whenever you can. We'd love to see you here.
Mine used to be buttered, toast, preferably sourdough, and cooked until it’s hard and crunchy. However, I am neglecting myself so much. I don’t have any bread in the house nor do I have the wherewithal to put the bread machine on the counter and make some.
Thanks for this.
And that book you recommend is one I read from cover to cover Then went and bought lemons to make preserved lemons. However, the preserved lemons are in the fridge - and I haven’t cracked the book since, so thanks for that reminder too .
I am glad you are upright, and reminding us all to take some sustenance- however it reveals itself to us
I just bought a box of Cream of Rice. Besides that, living on a splendid rice pudding sold on Amazon Fresh...the exact name escapes but "Senor somebody?" is the brand. Nursery food. This was after hearing "Greenland", "Canada" and the "Panama Canal".
I'm so sorry to hear, Elissa. But your five options sound like they do the trick in providing sustenance, as well as the talented and perceptive Fergus. Take gentle care of yourself.
Wow, what a resonate essay for me. Not only did this inform a character I am writing but also reflected my own experience. My go to is scrambled egg sandwiches and avocado toast when I cannot sustain myself.
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable story. It is appreciated and honored.
I keep chicken soup in the freezer for those bad times. For when I'm sad and need a fast fix. Or feel cold. Or have a cold. Better than a cup of tea for getting me back on my feet.
For me it’s soup, preferably very brothy (I keep souper cubes of homemade stock in my freezer at all times) with vegetables and some sort of carbs (pasta, rice matzo balls, beans, …). Often it’s the only thing I can hold down for days
I had the most unprecedented experience a dozen years ago when my marriage exploded, which (sorry to be explicit) was that I began to spontaneously vomit, on and off, all day long. Not surprisingly, I lost a lot of weight very, very quickly. I also wasn't sleeping. My anxiety was through the roof. So, my doctor prescribed Klonopin, which I quickly realized would help me sleep but I couldn't function on during the day while working and single parenting two small children. So, I only took a small amount before bed, but it did calm the spontaneous purging somewhat. I only hurled about once a day for another year and a half.
I'd always historically been someone who eats their feelings, and I never stopped eating entirely, but perhaps for understandable reasons, knowing that I would likely bring it back up put me mostly off of eating. All of this was so inexplicable to me and I exclaimed about it with concern to my then-therapist. I'll never forget what she said: "Asha, you can't digest what's happening to you so your body won't let you digest anything physically either." That felt like the truest thing anyone had said to me about the whole experience of my life at that point.
Subsequently, I've waded through bouts of depression and my kids are mostly flown. I'm not grieving, so not purging, but I do struggle to figure out what to feed myself. My son, who recently moved out to his own place, also struggles with this. I ended up gifting him Margaret Eby's new cookbook, You Gotta Eat, which approaches cooking from energy capacity and it's so brilliantly conceived and compassionately constructed. I think I also need a copy for myself. It's worth checking out.
As a grieving widow, feeding myself has been a challenge. I love the idea of nursery food, since I have felt like a baby growing up all over again.
I'm so sorry -- Please take care. Also, please consider getting the book I posted above.
Yes, agreed. Just simple tasks are difficult to sustain after becoming a widow. It has been 2 years for me and I still have to put reminders in my calendar or things go undone. Take care.
On Nov. 6, I was out at my community garden plot and met up with a fellow gardener when we were fussing with wheelbarrows. He asked me how I was doing. "Upright and taking sustenance," I replied. He stopped in his tracks, spun around, and opened his broken heart.
Take good care, Elissa.
You too, Jean -
Elissa, I love this so, so much. I too am someone who becomes "too undone to eat." The meals you posted are almost just like what I start with to build up, in order to wither away in a stiff wind. When both of my parents died last March (Dad, days after Mom's funeral) all I could manage was coffee and Trident gum. It was my daughter, who said, "Grandma would want you to eat. Start with buttered toast. It's what you used to give me when I was little and sick."
Many, many thanks for this. I often marvel at my own coping mechanisms as to food. It is my deepest love language. And, when I am anxious, I cook more. And more meaningful, as I feel particularly vulnerable and really want the physical company of food and enjoyers.
You have a beautiful style of evoking your passions-food, self-care, community. Please stay connected with us here. We need one another and every word counts.
I'm 91, lost my 17 year old dog companion a month ago, house is lonely and I appreciate the column about Too Undone to Eat. Thank you!
I'm so sorry about your dog companion --- That's very difficult. We just recently lost our 14 year old terrier. Please come back and visit my substack whenever you can. We'd love to see you here.
I am sorry you lost your companion.
Such a hard thing to bear losing an old dear friend. Thinking of you.
scrambled eggs -- really buttery, every time.
Yes! Eggs are such a comfort for me too.
Mine used to be buttered, toast, preferably sourdough, and cooked until it’s hard and crunchy. However, I am neglecting myself so much. I don’t have any bread in the house nor do I have the wherewithal to put the bread machine on the counter and make some.
Thanks for this.
And that book you recommend is one I read from cover to cover Then went and bought lemons to make preserved lemons. However, the preserved lemons are in the fridge - and I haven’t cracked the book since, so thanks for that reminder too .
I am glad you are upright, and reminding us all to take some sustenance- however it reveals itself to us
Bread machine. Fire it up. The smell of warm bread baking will be terrific. You can do it. Extra butter…
I just bought a box of Cream of Rice. Besides that, living on a splendid rice pudding sold on Amazon Fresh...the exact name escapes but "Senor somebody?" is the brand. Nursery food. This was after hearing "Greenland", "Canada" and the "Panama Canal".
Writing to you from Canada, we're still fine. Will be thinking of you.
I felt this so hard. My jeans are currently falling down for this exact reason. I seem able to eat cheese quesadillas, and that’s pretty much it.
If cheese quesadillas are it, they're it. Anything will do.
I'm so sorry to hear, Elissa. But your five options sound like they do the trick in providing sustenance, as well as the talented and perceptive Fergus. Take gentle care of yourself.
Wow, what a resonate essay for me. Not only did this inform a character I am writing but also reflected my own experience. My go to is scrambled egg sandwiches and avocado toast when I cannot sustain myself.
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable story. It is appreciated and honored.
Beautifully written. I’ve always LOVED food but when the world gets shaky that’s usually the last thing I’m thinking of. Thank you for this.
I keep chicken soup in the freezer for those bad times. For when I'm sad and need a fast fix. Or feel cold. Or have a cold. Better than a cup of tea for getting me back on my feet.
I’m terribly impatient in addition to be apt to break down - my go to would be the pastina, or orzo.
For me it’s soup, preferably very brothy (I keep souper cubes of homemade stock in my freezer at all times) with vegetables and some sort of carbs (pasta, rice matzo balls, beans, …). Often it’s the only thing I can hold down for days
I had the most unprecedented experience a dozen years ago when my marriage exploded, which (sorry to be explicit) was that I began to spontaneously vomit, on and off, all day long. Not surprisingly, I lost a lot of weight very, very quickly. I also wasn't sleeping. My anxiety was through the roof. So, my doctor prescribed Klonopin, which I quickly realized would help me sleep but I couldn't function on during the day while working and single parenting two small children. So, I only took a small amount before bed, but it did calm the spontaneous purging somewhat. I only hurled about once a day for another year and a half.
I'd always historically been someone who eats their feelings, and I never stopped eating entirely, but perhaps for understandable reasons, knowing that I would likely bring it back up put me mostly off of eating. All of this was so inexplicable to me and I exclaimed about it with concern to my then-therapist. I'll never forget what she said: "Asha, you can't digest what's happening to you so your body won't let you digest anything physically either." That felt like the truest thing anyone had said to me about the whole experience of my life at that point.
Subsequently, I've waded through bouts of depression and my kids are mostly flown. I'm not grieving, so not purging, but I do struggle to figure out what to feed myself. My son, who recently moved out to his own place, also struggles with this. I ended up gifting him Margaret Eby's new cookbook, You Gotta Eat, which approaches cooking from energy capacity and it's so brilliantly conceived and compassionately constructed. I think I also need a copy for myself. It's worth checking out.